How to spit like a Pro

By: WineMarketDate: 02/07/2014

There’s a fine art to looking like you know what you’re on about when you taste wine at a cellar door or rock up to a big time wine tasting. Sure, you can wear a beret, put on a cravat and walk around flicking your pocket watch looking like one of those fancy wine taster types, or you could just fine tune one of the most important aspects of wine appreciation – the professional wine spit.

Step One: Hold glass by stem, don’t want greasy finger prints from finger food or cheese marking the glass.

Step Two: Swirl glass with vigour, enough to swish the wine around, and to have other wine tasters scurrying for rain coats and umbrellas.

Step Three: Raise glass to nose, the further the nose into glass, and louder and longer the sniff, the more important you must be.

Step Four: Sip wine, make loud noise with mouth with wine in it.

Step Five: Locate spittoon or spitting vessel with eyes – judge distance wisely, or position body and head over spittoon or vessel to ensure ease of spit

Step Six: Flex lip muscles to form a tight, small opening in mouth

Step Seven: Aim, using in-built GPS of eyes

Step Eight: Push air and tongue behind wine in mouth and begin to expel liquid from between tight lips.

Step Nine: Judge flow of spit with pressure of pushing action – further the distance, the more the pressure required to make the target.

Step Ten: Close lips at end of stream.

With this in mind, begin variations in distance and length of target. Taking steps back from spittoons or spitting vessels means distance increase, as does pressure and use of ‘in-built’ GPS. Some ideas for more advanced wine spitters:

- Narrow the size of the aperture on the vessel. Work up to coffee mugs and shot glasses, rather than Champagne buckets of garbage bins

- Increase distance by using markings on the ground to record metres of spit from a fixed point

- Utilise red wine for spitting over white carpet, for maximum thrill-seeking

And finally, never drink or reserve the collection of wine in the spit bucket...

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